


Haunted

by magic_maker



Series: Chicago Jo [6]
Category: Chicago PD (TV)
Genre: Jay to the rescue
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-02-17
Updated: 2021-02-17
Packaged: 2021-03-13 02:35:11
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,084
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/29519556
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/magic_maker/pseuds/magic_maker
Summary: Jo has a rough night. Jay can relate and gets her through it.
Series: Chicago Jo [6]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/2120460
Kudos: 1





	Haunted

**Author's Note:**

> set in mid-July 2014, about a week after Like Gas and Flame

‘Hey Jo,’ Jay Halstead greeted after checking his caller ID. ‘You okay?’ It was after midnight, and she’d never called that late without pre-arranging it. 

‘I… no. I didn’t wake you did I?’

Her voice was shaky and that worried him. He sat up, pausing the DVR. ‘No, I was just watching a movie. What’s wrong?’

‘Antonio told me the other day that you might be good to talk to about… about a death I’m struggling with. I usually talk to him but we’re off again and Kelly isn’t in any shape to deal with my shit right now…’ Jay recalled the gossip that even though it had been over two months, Severide was headed way off the rails following Shay’s death. ‘I’m having flashback nightmares and I’m alone, and I really need a friend,’ she said, struggling with her composure. 

‘What’s your address?’ He scrawled it down and jumped up, shoving his feet into his sneakers, not bothering with socks, and grabbing his keys. ‘I’m on my way. You need me to stay on the phone?’ 

‘No, just get here. I gotta… clothes… Let yourself in when you get here.’ 

‘I’ll be there in like 20 minutes. Call back if you need to.’ While he trusted that Jo was safe, and thus it wasn’t an emergency by legal standards, he also knew exactly where she was mentally, and how frustrating and frightening it was trying to battle through that at all, much less alone. 

Seventeen minutes later, Jay opened Jo’s door. ‘Hey Jo, where are you?’ he called. He followed the muffled reply and found her curled up on the couch, hyperventilating and shaking, appearing to be fighting a panic attack. He shoved the coffee table aside and knelt down in front of her. ‘Don’t fight it,’ he said quietly, taking her hands in his. ‘It makes it so much worse.’ 

‘I… can’t breathe,’ she gasped. 

‘You can. You’re breathing. I know it doesn’t feel like it, but you are. We’re gonna get that under control first, now. I’m gonna help you focus on your breathing, and when it’s under control, you’ll start to feel better.’ 

His voice was soothing, but firm enough that it got through the fog of the panic. Jo nodded, clutching his shoulders. When he told her to, she drew a breath in, as slowly as she could. He did the same, and after just four repetitions, Jo’s heart rate slowed, and the fog in her head from hyperventilation started to clear. 

Jay was prepared when Jo slumped forward, exhausted but finally out of her panic. He helped sit her up on the couch, wrapping a blanket around her. ‘How you doin’?’ he asked. 

She shook her head. ‘Not real good,’ she admitted. 

‘When you’re ready, or able, to talk, I’m here.’ In the meantime, he gently stroked her hair, letting her take her time. 

‘Did you ever get someone killed? Or… or feel like you did?’

‘Yeah,’ he said, his voice hoarse. ‘Felt like it. No matter how many times brass told me it wasn’t my fault. Wanna tell me what happened?’ More than once, she’d made reference to an incident in Australia, and while he’d learned that it was a rescue gone bad, he hadn’t gotten any specific details.

After several minutes of not speaking, Jo drew a breath and once again recounted the story of the disastrous rescue effort in Australia. 

‘You made the call to stop, so you feel like it’s your fault they were there when the wall collapsed.’ 

‘Yeah. Logically I know it’s not. But I can’t stop these fucking nightmares, and it triggers the guilt again and… fuck I miss her,’ Jo whispered, tears falling and dripping off her cheeks.

‘C’mere,’ Jay whispered, pulling her close. Keeping his voice low and soothing, he told her about an ill-fated op when he was in Afghanistan. Well, the sanitised version that he was legally allowed to tell; that was enough to convey the important parts though. ‘It took me a couple years before I was able to accept that it was just really shitty luck, in a war zone, and not any decision I, or anyone on my team for that matter, had made. I hate to say it, but you’re absolutely normal in terms of grief,’ he joked, squeezing her arm. 

‘How dare you call me normal,’ she whispered, a hint of a smile curving her lips. 

‘I would never. Only in terms of your grief process.’ He grinned at her, before growing serious again. ‘Dr Charles, at Med, might be someone good to talk to.’

She shook her head. ‘He’s good friends with my daddy.’ She snorted and added, ‘It’s seriously ironic that a psychologist’s kid is this fucked up mentally,’ she said with a weak laugh. 

‘This is a truly rough job. And I think you’re doing pretty well, to be honest. You’re going to fall apart sometimes. You’re going to have nightmares and flashbacks and panic attacks. But the fact that you’re still working, and that you can do confined space rescue and shit after that… You need to give yourself credit. I’ve known people quit emergency work altogether, because they couldn’t face going back.’

With a weak smile, Jo replied, ‘When I came back here after the cave-in… Daddy made Papa take me to a cave he knows nearby, brought Kelly with us. It’s one of the few times he’s ever pushed me to do something I didn’t feel prepared for.’

‘But you did it, and that is huge.’ 

‘I just feel…’ she paused, not really wanting to say any of the words. 

‘Weak? Ashamed? Inadequate?’ It was very rare that Jay admitted to feeling those aloud, but he continued, ‘I get it Jo. You’re going to struggle with those feelings for a long time, I won’t sugarcoat it. But I think you’re doing a lot better than you think you are.’ 

She finally managed a smile. ‘Tha-’ A yawn interrupted her. 

‘Let’s get you back to bed. You don’t work in the morning, right?’ She had the same schedule as Gabby Dawson, he knew, but there was always the chance she’d grabbed an overtime shift. 

‘No.’ She sat on the edge of the bed, then looked up. ‘Can you stay?’ Her expression was vulnerable, and even if he’d needed to get home, Jay wouldn’t have been able to say no. 

‘Definitely. I’ll camp on the couch, just yell if you need me,’ he assured her, squeezing her shoulder.


End file.
